**Fun fact**When I first started typing this out, it was just notes in my phone. Every time I had a thought or was struck by some inspiration, I’d jot it down. One of these days I decided I was going to name this post “The Next Chapter”. But somewhere between fat thumbs, and my iPhones inability to adjust my keyboard accordingly, it autocorrected to “The Best Chapter”. And I think it’s a sign-so I’m rolling with it.
Alright-lets get started.
Brace yourselves. Something is about to be said that is said SO RARELY, it is worth the wait for this post. It will likely never be said again after this. It has only been said one time before this (but it was in regard to a math problem so, it shouldn’t count). Ready?
I WAS WRONG.
There. I said it. I wrestled with putting this in words for a while, as I am sure Nick will peek back at this blog post now and then to be reminded that I too am flawed. Occasionally.
I was wrong. So, so, so, so, wrong. I swore up and down once Nick and I were married nothing was going to feel different. What could possibly change? I’ve lived with him for almost 4 years. 4 years!!! How, suddenly, was anything going to feel any different? I just couldn’t see it.
Would marriage magically mean he is going to start picking up his socks? After we were married, was I suddenly going to stop addressing the sock situation in a passive-aggressive manner in every blog I write? Just because we now have a piece of paper that states we are MARRIED? Keep dreaming! I mean, come on.
As far as we were concerned, we were already married just without the legal mumbo-jumbo. We share everything, we make financial decisions together, we bicker like we’ve been married for decades, we’re even on the same insurance. The only thing in our relationship that was different than a marriage was that either of us was free to head to work one day and never return (free of legal implications). I was sure all marriage would do is make it harder for him to run away when he finally tires from my relentless sock bitching.
But…one more time loudly for the people in the back…I was wrong. Being married TOTALLY feels different. And it felt different almost instantly. I don’t know why and it’s nearly impossible to put into words. But I’m going to try.
It’s like that feeling when you leave work on a Friday in spring and the sun is FINALLY shining. As soon as you step outside you take the kind of breath that fills your lungs to the brim and then you let it alllll out. Or that feeling when you get into your car on a hot summer day and it feels like an oven so you just sit there basking in it before you roll your windows down. Or that feeling when you look around a room and see all your favorite faces smiling and laughing with each other and feel like “this is one of the moments my parents told me about“. I guess what I am trying to say is that marriage is like all of your favorite feelings happening all at once.
It’s a feeling unlike any other but I am not quite sure why. If I had to guess, and I am going to for the sake of this blog, I would say it is because we are no longer two people together but we are one. And our wedding was the first day and the first step to us starting down OUR path as one. It isn’t Nick and Alyssa anymore, it’s The Tinnirellas and from that point forward we started our very own story. Someday (in like 100 years) when we are telling stories to our kids, most will begin on February 10, 2018.
Marriage has also filled me with motivation and ambition that I had tucked away somewhere previously. No matter how together we were, or how much we loved each other, my dreams were always just that. Mine. I’d share them with him but remain timid and reserved when it came to the possibility of them actually coming to fruition. Like my dream to someday be my own boss. Or my dream of moving to a state where the sun shines more. And my dream that someday, when we have enough money, we buy the house in Brooklyn that my Grandmother grew up in. Before marriage, these daydreams were as intimidating as leaning over the edge of a cliff. Marriage is Nick holding my shirt, keeping me from falling but never pulling me back so far that I miss the view.
Up until this point we were both singing our own songs and luckily they come together in perfect harmony. Kinda like Jay-Z and Linkin Park. Lucky us.
So from here on out starts the Tinnirella’s and this blogs Best Chapter.